Clearly Malfunctioning in Many Important Regards

Finding Emo
The Walkmen have this song whose bridge is "When I used to go out I'd know everyone I saw/ Now I go out alone if I go out at all." I am in the weird position of having a band express exactly how I feel, which I haven't realy felt since high school, and those were some dubious spokespeople. Making this Walkmen thing weirder is the fact that certain members of The Walkmen are included in my list of People I Saw and Knew When I Used to Go Out. I have slowly but very steadily come to loathe socializing in accepted venues (bars, parties, etc). I can meet you in a hardware store for a couple of hours, and a culvert can be fun if you don't get your head stuck and die. I'm not really saying that I'm too cool to hang out where people hang out, just that my extroverted confidence -- or maybe it's my need to see people -- has dwindled almost to nonexistent. Whereas I can remember a time when I thought "I'll never get sick of going out! I'll always want to go to parties! I hate being at home with nothing to do." Oh god.
[3:45pm est]
Hokay quit with the Prometheus shiz, Mr. Thieving-My-Fire: I have been a curmudgeonly hermit for years now. I know I'm a tastemaker and all, but how's about getting your own act? I'm changing the name of this post from "Slacker Apathy" to "Finding Emo."
     I jest, sort of. I still like going out, but only in smallish groups. With the exception of the filthy hilarity of my birthday (probably acceptable only because I had been talking to you on the phone for like two hours prior, and being on the phone indoors means being in the kitchen, and being in the kitchen means DRANKIN', so it was by a logical event sequence that I arrived to the party majestically wasted, and so anyway), I don't like large groups. I like two to five people max. And I'm really over loud places, concerts that do more than one encore, opening bands I hate/don't know, having to stand, and no bathrooms. I'll meet you at the Home Depot any day, but after that I have to go lay on the floor and do crosswords solo, countering with Smog songs, as so: "Don't come over/When I listen to a record I stare at the cover/Don't come over/I'm no hope for you/I'm no home to you." Garçon! Another double depresso!
[2:10pm pst]
Well now i'm all confused about what we're talking about. I will fall back on complaining, not that I'm old --because I know some old people who might take issue with that concept -- but that HBO on Demand is death. It gives the illusion of expanded choice and really makes it super-excusable to fold yourself up on the couch, cover any exposed body parts with comforter, and RECEIVE. I take my entertainment rectally now. It was wicked cold last night (by New York early autumnal standards) so I wore a homeless amount of layers and tried to get my body to generate heat after months of training it not to.
     The only thing that makes me feel better about being such a fucked-up do-nothing lumpkin is that I see plenty of people to to compare myself favorably to in novels and movies. For example, Captain Hook: I'm better than that asshole! He wanted to kill children! He was mean! I am better than him. AWESOME.
[2:01pm est]
I made a whole reply and then computer died. Too bad, since it was genius. Along these lines:
     • I didn't get the point of the first post
     • Like how a vulture cannot pass by a piece of seasoned roadkill despite being en route to fresh slaughter, neither can I resist the lure of implied hermitism or depression hence the misunderstanding
     • I stay in a lot but it is because I am old. I don't have a TV at all and I've never even seen these "Ti" "Vo" things all the kids are talking about;
     • I go out like four nights a week but it requires a steady stream of alcohol and the devil gits in me;
     • My alarm is set for quarter to six;
     • All the funny parts I forgot. Suck it!
[3:45pm pst]
trouble started by Universal Donor
October 05, 2004 • 3:42 PM est • #

Comments from Foolish Amateurs:

when i go out in the states i feel like a reverse vampire: i'm aging and everybody else is still young.

when i go out here although of course we have bwoop-bwoop euro disco clubs, i tend to go more to pubs, where all the men are old and have beer bellies and the women have actual tear tracks on their faces and everyone has pate'd livers and pickled kidneys and i feel young! young! young!

you guys should come over. it would be 3 people, which is well within the 2-5 range preferred by tastemakers, and you wouldn't have to talk to anybody because you have the best excuse ever. however you would still be able to flirt outrageously, should you feel so inclined.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:14 AM est  


grumble anonymous posting grumble. sorry, that was me. anne.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:14 AM est  


i'm down with a little czech flirting. i mean, Xtreem Hottness is the universal language.
# posted by Blogger claude le monde : 12:06 PM est  


Hermitage is the only way to go. I see no reason to be around people unless by "be around" you mean "take out with a semi-automatic while cackling wildly at the top of a bell tower."
Oh, my name's Ashleigh, by the way. I love your blog like Peruvians love guinea pig meat.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 3:04 PM est  


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