Possible Titles for My New York Trip Blog Entry |
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The Baseball Trip
I Carry An Iron Rod Everywhere I Go
That's How I Ended Up in Tribeca With Crap on My Hand!
No WAY Do I Have Children
If We're The Craft, You're the Mean One
Feasting On Iraqi Children's Bones (Shappy Remix)
It's Fun to Hate a Stranger
That Guy Is Totally Rubbing On You, Alexis
Settling Differences Through Torn Paper Hearts
Is the Bisteck del Caballo Vegetarian?
W-w-why Is It S-s-so M-m-m-motherf-fucking-g-g C-cold?
Another Reason Why I Am Going to Hell
A Pox on All Dereks
[10:27 est]
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Claude's visit was a blasteroo, although I burned myself out over the weekend and spent Monday and Tuesday in a k-hole of low-level anxiety as the Yankees unraveled like the seams of a sandlot baseball. Here are my possible headlines for CLM's New York Adventure:
Honey, My Host is Asleep!
Booze You Can Use
Come Home From Karaoke, Clauddy Monde, Clauddy Monde
Gingko!
How Much is a Taxi to ________?
Way To Make a Gal Feel Special, UD -- Not!
I Demand Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda
A Working Vacation is like Jerking Claymation
I Was There For The Hatefest
Best Taxi Ride Ever!
[11:15am est]
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Oh, you minxes, here are some more anecdotettes, weensy ones, like slipcover insert blurbs on the luridly retarded novella + three stories that is my life, or not unlike, you know, the tell-all movie preview that leaves you thirsting for bourbon. Ahemsy.
"She was a girl. A profoundly wasted girl on a cellphone in a Manhattan bar. 'Jer,' she slurred, 'I don think I'm comin home tonigh. Me an the girls, we's all gotta good ideas, wurr gon go get chola nails in the mornin. FAKE ones. Iss funny. Big, nasty...I...Okay, I'll come home. LATER.'"
"Surrounded by petite Europeans, Claudia wanted nothing more than to run screaming down Huron, away from the horrible, horrible trade show...but not without first swiping that magnum of champagne. Business as usual, Manhattan be damned. It wasn't her city, but by God, she would be her kind of drunk in it."
"With the majestic regularity of a cuckoo clock and the irritating persistence of a pileated woodpecker, I awoke Jeremy every hour on the hour on both his days off, until the bright cheeriness of the two o'clock hour dragged him screaming from his soporific daze, affording me the opportunity to watch a whole hell of a lot of HBO on the futon, and also to eat many Pop-Tarts."
"They disagreed on: The plum tortes, the crossword puzzle, bad Mexican, a too-good duvet, cigars, the Irish, karaoke, and relative temperature. They agreed on: Hating ten million other things. Theirs was a friendship made in the short bus factory. THEY WERE: UD versus CLM."
[edited to add: photos of the Karaoke Night That Jeremy Did Not Attend are here.]
[12:16pm pst]
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trouble started by claude le monde
October 21, 2004
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10:26 AM est •
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these headlines are not enough. i mean, at least half of them would have me buying the paper, so they're good teasers, but it's only a tease if there's the promise of more to come. now, if you would just write at least the lead paragraphs, a girl could stop clicking refresh on a certain excess number of blog pages in the hopes of getting A STORY. anne.
# posted by : 4:35 AM est
a few selected Karaoke Night UD Could Not Bring Himself to Attend are here, lovers.
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