Clearly Malfunctioning in Many Important Regards

Everything is Fucked
No more Mr. Nice Blogger! I am wicked pissed right now! First U2 comes out With a new album, then the Red Sox won the world series, and now George W. Bush gets to cornhole the country for another four years. I am dizzy with despair, disillusionment, and a strong urge to get totally melodramatic about everything. I'm a walking sigh. Here's what I don't understand: Why didn't someone write a speech -- and I really believe this was possible -- powerful enough to explain to ANYBODY who heard it how Bush has fucked the nation and why he must not be reelected? I believe I could have written this speech. Why didn't somebody -- say, a Democratic Party speechwriter -- write that bitch? WHAT THE FUCK???? It writes itself. The facts, without exaggeration or embellishment, are horrifying enough to tell around a campfire to scare young children. But I didn't write it, nor did anybody else, or if they did they kept it under wraps. Maybe they wrote it, saw how powerful it was, and then sold it to the highest bidder, who obviously would have been some robber baron Republican. That would have been the smart, cynical, amoral play, totally appropriate for these times. I hate everything. FUCK EVERYTHING!!!
[5:10PM est]
Dear Jeremy,
I find your indignation interesting, given how you've questioned my near-continual state of extreme drunkenness over the last four years. Don't you realize that a dedicated bourbon IV is the only way to deal? Let us move to Vancouver, my love. I will strap a tiny sled to the dog for your grocery shopping, and I promise to only make the "Van-cooter" joke once, although that doesn't exclude other Great Northern puns (I'm part Canadian so I can do that. It's like being black).
Love,
Claudia
[12:14pm pst]
trouble started by Universal Donor
November 03, 2004 • 5:06 PM est • #

Comments from Foolish Amateurs:

fuck canada. go FURTHER my friends, and i mean that in a literal (hmmm, what countries are Far Away? hmm) and an electric kool aid acid test way. except without hippies.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 3:17 PM est  


Prime Minister Paul Martin was just waiting for Bush to be back anyway - he has announced in many interviews that he is not only going ahead with the controversial deal for the missile shield, but also saying that Canada should be in Irak right fucking now. Okay, so he didn't say fucking. He is canadian after all.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 10:12 PM est  


I would be surprised if he didn't swear. Canadians fucking love cursing.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:58 PM est  


Dude, that's so untrue. Bush is coming to Ottawa next week, and he's not even being allowed to speak in Parliament. Martin does not love him.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 9:16 PM est  


Nothing is fucked. Some people, wait, millions of people got screwed over as the mighty stutter of one George Bush echoed through the $mostly television laden$ land. Where does that leave you? Are you really so bad off from what you were two, or even ten, years ago? I am guessing no. Some character development, perhaps promotion or firing. But in the end, you're basically in a similar situation, with adjusted inflation.
I'm not sure of your nationality, but if you live in Australia, it was developed by prison inmates. It was rough terrain, miserable at least. American? They wiped out the indians, remember? To keep it short: don't worry about what you'll never change.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:01 AM est  


Everything. And I do mean everything - is totally and comprehensively fucked. Oh yes. It’s been absolutely and completely fucked for many years now. Its been fucked since the Zionists aided by the Reptilian Aliens came out from hiding and fucked everything. It’s what they do so it is. You can write or place a paper bag over your head or bark like a small dog being shaved. None of this will do anything about the fucked situation. The time is approaching when you will have to stand up and be counted. They will keep doing what their doing until they’re stopped. It’s as simple as that. And for those who think everything is normal, go back to ‘pop idol’ or ‘CNN’ or whatever shite you’ve been conned with.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 10:16 AM est  


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