Clearly Malfunctioning in Many Important Regards

I Know Some Soldiers In Here (Where They At? Where They At?)
Jer is dumb. He not only goes on 10-minute rants about how Destiny's Child is "pandering" in their lyrics (likening their torpid jam "Soldier" to the inappropriateness of Green Day's recent emo whineathon, which: they're both irritating, but they don't pander in the same way), but then he makes this combo-blog thing and then stops writing it completely, taking a moment from his action-packed TiVo schedule to crap out a handful of comics and then turning his skittish attentions back to the glowing screen. That was a long sentence, sure, but it'll be longer before he even REALIZES that I've updated this bitch, and I updated the FUCK out of it, playaz.
[4:42pm pst]
Well, okay, fine, it did take me a long time to notice that you'd updated here. Seeing as how I'm writing this on March 9. But let's not forget that I spent a large part of the interim recovering from hernia surgery, which I'm still doing. Oh my aching back. Now as for this Destiny's Child nonsense. During our conversation I found it necessary to distinguish between Ms Beyonce Knowles, who is a very pretty lady with a flat stomach who can almost dance and can definitely sing, and what I called "the Destiny's Child Administrative Group," a corporation that makes all the decisions for the band Destiny's Child and also for Ms Knowles herself. The idea that Ms Knowles "writes" DC's songs is only true in the sense that she is credited as a writer of the songs, which is just the DCAG providing for their star's economic future. Ms K was just like "umm how bout during that part I go 'uh ooh yeah ba domp bomp'?" and all the gathered members of the DCAG were like "hells yeah, go for it!" and then all slapping each other five and mouthing the words "totally legit writing credit!" behind each others' backs. Okay okay. About "Soldier" and its pandering. When I heard it, I was like "every guy out there who considers himself a "soldier" -- not the army kind, but rather the low level employee of a criminal organization (or as Claude insists, just a dude who's muddling through, day by day, doin what he hafta for his family) -- is gonna poop for this song. Some of them might even buy it. It's like "here's your readymade anthem, okay? Buy it!" Now I call that pandering. The equation is simple: readymade anthem = pandering. That's it. No matter for whom the anthem is intended. Some anthems are unplanned ("Margaritaville") and some I kinda like (not gonna mention here) but there is no accident with the DCAG. They are smart motherfuckers.
[12:58pm est]
trouble started by claude le monde
February 23, 2005 • 7:36 PM est • #

Comments from Foolish Amateurs:

i agree with claude. jerbear is a lazy douche who just lucked out with the hernia excuse. he wouldn't have written anything anyway and he knows it.

i agree with UD that "soldier" is a pandering readymade anthem.

but the question is: can either of these two observations be considered at all revelatory? they seem to me not unlike asserting that there is unrest in the middle east, or that cheeseburgers are delicious.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 9:17 AM est  

before: pretty interesting.


what happened to you two? did you get some sort of hobby that doesn't involve the internet? what is this, 1995?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 9:24 AM est  

i'm not Jer's beast of burden. yes, he's got praaaahblems, and yes, i am sturdy-legged, but i will not carry this alone. i still post EVERY DAY in my own awesome blog so you can hit that until Captain E-Yo gets back on board. PEACE!!
# posted by Blogger claude le monde : 7:12 PM est  

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